It’s been a busy November. After several very solid crunch-time weeks getting my upcoming novel The Brave ready for a team of readers to break, it’s out there, being picked through, chuckled at, and critiqued even as I type this.

No matter how much I prepared myself for the day it would finally leave my laptop, it was still an unexpected and difficult moment – sitting there, finger poised above the send button on a bunch of emails, waiting to send the baby off on its first day of school. The feedback has already started trickling in – largely a good list of constructive picking-apart which I’m largely taking aboard in order to make The Brave a better book (and without too much work) – valid points, all. I expected there’d be fights and tears, but those haven’t come. (Still… early days – nobody has finished yet…)

For now I’m trying to forget about the book, the disastrous number of typos I’m only just starting to notice, and focus on the next phase – agents, my pitch, and how to get it out there. There’s still going to be some work to do once the team have delivered their numerous verdicts, but it’s been nice getting out of the word-space this week and back into the cold, boring reality of finding the right home for the toddler once it hits its teenage years. Mind-numbing stuff. Staring at a billion literary agents’ websites, poring over the likes and dislikes of the numerous strangers’ biographies (all those heads I need to get right inside), staring at their mugshots, trying to see if I ‘feel the vibe’. It’s fun in its own way, but difficult – I know how busy these people are, and I don’t want to waste their time with a book or a relationship that’s not going to work out. I’ve got a strategy at least. I don’t know if it’s a good one, but like any great casino gambler will tell you, coming up with a thoughtful game-plan before putting in the hours is the only way to get results.

For now it’s a great distraction. The coming weeks are likely to get icky as I keep polishing, incorporating reader feedback, and trying to stay positive about the steep curve of rejection I’m about to start stumbling up, but even with all of that I’m still loving the hell out of this process. The crazy long weeks I’ve been putting in lately meant that suddenly I’d absorbed the entire book into my head, and can picture it as a whole beast rather than the individual sections I’d been working on in the past – a funny zen absorbency situation, just like Neo and his kung-fu. I kinda know the deal with it now – how the book really is, as opposed to how it was as a plan, and what the aftertaste is once you put it down. There are plenty of things about it that I’m not in love with, but it feels like something at least, warts and all. While there were a few moments I cringed at the craptacular, but there were plenty of others where I laughed out loud or felt genuinely stirred. I’m happy. I’ve learned a lot, and already have plenty of thoughts as to what I’ll do better writing the next book. Yes, there’s still a pile of that self-doubt rolling around as always, where I’m still asking “Is this good enough?”, hoping trained eyes will see enough promise to throw their talents into the manuscript and make it a book. But for my part, I’m happy. It’s not finished, but writing a book is something I’ve done now – the rest from here is a new and different process, one laden with a whole new set of mysteries. 

Anyway, can’t sit here blabbing on all day. This phase might be nearly done, but the toughest hurdles are yet to come…

Wish me luck.